D̙̺͌͋̉̄ͯ̓͒A̴̺͖̤̭͇̘̲̅̐̈R̤̜̖̠͎ͭ͛̊̇̑̐̿͡K͕͖̗̭̻̘̈́ͮͨ̓̋͟ ̈̓ͧͫM̻ͩA̛̪̬̝͎̫̟R̫̍I̪̻̫̟̽̃ͅÖ́͡ ̻͈̤ͬͥͧM͔̘͇͉̻ͨE͍͆ͧ̉̋̓̇͠M̷͚͕͊͐̆ͥͮ̓̂O̠̤̟̺ͮͪ͡I̻̓͂͐̅ͯ͠Ṙ̟͍̮̫͈́͋S̱͍̜̻̟̭͕̆̓̒̎ͯͤ͜ ̥̖̱̩͒̓ͮͬC̶̱̦͔͚̟̯̥͋͆̀̈́̊̎͗H̞̠̹̝̺̖ͧO͒̾̆̌C̗̟̥͉ͭ́́̈̈́K̛̙̻͚̂̋ͣͥ͗ͬO̦̩͚͗͐̓̑͛ͤL̨̳̮̘̠̩͕ȦͩT̴͌̎ͪE̙͎̝̱̜̱͊ͮ͂̓ ̾̋ͮ͑̄̈́͝M̲̞̤̰̭͖͇̈͊͋̅̚Ȏ̦̪̒̌̈̓Úͮ̇̊N̠̜͉͔T̤͎̹̠͈͠Ảͧͤ͂̇̂̑̕I̱̜̯N̝͎͖͖̮̘͒ͨ̌̄̌̋̑̕

 
 



Dark clouds bathed the Chocolate Mountain peaks, or maybe it was the fumes of exhaust from our machines. I can't tell the difference anymore.  We are trapped in this digital prison; we are merely an amusement for The Controllers. The stench of spent fuel and fear was nauseating, I spew forth pixels from deep within my belly, dark and empty- shapeless fractions of beings, which never were and never will be.

     Little god-like figure in a small cloud vessel descended from above. Cruel jokes The Creators play on us, toying with our ever-temporary lives. He comes before the bloodbath every time, grinning at us. I stopped looking at others long time ago. I can’t stand the fear and insanity in their eyes, it is too painful. All I have is the need to survive. I'm pretty sure I will remember their screams while eliminating them out of this sick and twisted world, only to battle again in the next round.

     The creature in the cloud started flashing his lights, I immediately tighten up. With each flash I squeeze the throttle of my machine. The flashes are all so short and only three of them. The last one blasts me off the starting line and 150cc’s screams with a wild pitch. Sweet melody to my ears. It worked, I launch pass all of them only to find out that little bitch in a crown did the same trick. I’m behind her in 2nd place, listening to her giggles through the rev limiter chocking out whatever my machine can give. This is not going to be easy.

Now I am behind her crushing through question marks, fortune spins again, and I get nothing. She throws bananas at me and the battle for 1st went rapidly against my favor into 5th …then 6th. Into the mouth of a tunnel we go, out of the butt of it into the unforgiving terrain of the bumps. Shapeshifting shadows creep across the valley floor. We race around the giant boulders, some of us want make it. Here comes the starting line again, then two more laps of insanity.

     The mouth of madness laughs as we go again and into the coco tunnel.  The echoing motors make my head resonate like a tin can in the storm. Bolts of Gods thunder reduce us to an ant-like stature. It is the way The Controllers remind us of how easy our faith is manipulated. Second Lap nearly at its end, dodging shells I finish it off in style. 

     Last loop I begin with mushroom induced confidence. At blinding speeds I can nearly see all of the pixels ahead of me. They cannot stand a chance against me now, another cap and stem and they are behind me. Avoiding enemy's slippery traps I ride the mushroom high speeds perfectly. With the the question marks on my side the razors edge takes me all the way to the first place. The cloud comes down and the creature waves the checker flag. Black and white squares dance before my eyes reminding me the square pixels my this digital prison. I cannot escape it, drawn from the world of pipes and water I'm rendered forever in this racing nightmare.

New mini zine! I play a lot of Mario Kart 64, the game inspired me to write this Dark Mario Memoirs and illustrate it. I find it desperately funny. Play the text above with speech option on your computer for extra digital effect.